Dino Melaye: The Making Of A Brand By Reuben Abati

It is a sign of the times, and a tragedy that the most popular Senator in the Nigerian National Assembly at this moment is not the person who has moved the most impactful motion, not a lawmaker who has proposed a thought-provoking bill, and certainly not any Senator who has given any impressive speech debating a matter of national importance. What we get, most of the time, in place of legislative responsibility, prudence, accountability and distinction is burlesque, farce, Japanese-styled Bungaku-Bunraku enactments, a dose of medieval commedia d’ell arte and an enormous supply of Yoruba Alarinjo with a bit of the Akata from Efik and Ibibioland. And the star in this comedy of errors that the Nigerian National Assembly has become is a gentleman called Dino Melaye.  He is the perfect archetype of all that is wrong or right with the Nigerian legislature, a fine representation of contradictory binaries, and a lesson unto the rest of us. 

      I am not condemning Dino Melaye. I am in fact just about to say that we created a man like him, just as before him, we needed a Busari Adelakun, and a Lamidi Adedibu to show us the true character of Nigerian politics. And to those who think Dino Melaye is something of an aberration, I say to them that Dino Melaye is indeed a true picture of Nigerian politics. He is much smarter and far more politically savvy than those who condemn him. His Wikipedia profile announces that his ambition is to be Nigeria’s President someday, may be he won’t become President, but he may suddenly show up in the future as something close to that high office.  He is far more Nigerian than those who criticize or condemn him. He knows the system. He plays the system. He has the capacity to beat the system. Most people who get to the top in Nigeria beat the system, and when they do so, they flaunt their smartness in the people’s face. The pundits write their articles but nothing changes, because a man like Dino Melaye can get a whole Vice Chancellor of a University created under the Act to do his bidding, and a National Assembly to queue up behind him. 

Travelling dangerously in Nigeria By Reuben Abati

A fortnight ago, I was in Ondo state to attend an event; that was the day the heavens chose to open up. The rainy season seems to have started early this year, and whenever it rains, even mother earth opens up to drink water from the skies, the heat wave of the dry season abates, a certain balance is restored to the environment, man, animal and nature are re-united in a silent cosmic communion. It didn’t just rain on this particular day. It rained cats and dogs. On the first leg of the journey, I had travelled to Akure through the Ibadan-Ilesha route and I felt this was a particularly stressful road. By the time we got to Ikeji-Arakeji, my stomach was tied in knots. I was so distressed I felt I needed sleeping tablets to survive the rest of the journey. My limbs ached after more than five hours of a journey that had become a trial and error experiment on crazily damaged roads.

      I resolved that I would not take that route back. I also sympathized with my friends from that part of the country who have to endure so much punishment to travel from Lagos or wherever to their homes in the Northern part of Yorubaland. Navigating one bump after another, jumping from one pothole into another and having to manage all the dangers that lie in wait on the long road to one’s destination is absolute nightmare. The Ife-Ilesha bypass, which used to be so smooth has become really bad, it has fallen into shameful disrepair, a signpost of poor maintenance and the poor quality of road construction, with the contractors, gaining more than the people in the long run.

Buhari's Return: Matters Arising by Reuben Abati

As someone who has been in that corridor recently, I do not share the view of those who insist that President Muhammadu Buhari’s recent 50-day medical vacation was mismanaged by his  handlers, up to this point. I said this much during a recent interview on Channels TV’s Politics Today with Seun Okinbaloye.

In the face of the people’s rising and insatiable expectations, it is often an uphill task to balance so many considerations in a country that is so divided on all fronts.  The duty of the President’s handlers is to prevent such unnecessary news that could destabilize the polity, or create a national security crisis.

The President occupies the most important office in a democracy such as ours because the people look up to that office and its occupier for strength, inspiration and confidence.  When a President suddenly takes ill, the implications for politics, power play and national security are far-reaching. I have already dealt with the manner in which this is so, in an earlier article online, titled  “From London to Abuja in 50 days: Buhari’s return”.

What is the general complaint? It is this: that the nature and the seriousness of whatever ails the President is deliberately shielded from the public. This has resulted in a lot of speculations, and anxiety. A Professor of Medicine, Femi Williams, became so concerned he began to diagnose the President’s ailment by just looking at commonplace photographs. His latest contribution is that looking at the President since he arrived, he seems to be suffering from anaemia.

The bleaching, chameleon crowd by Reuben Abati

I wrote a piece recently, a tribute to the late veteran actress Bukky Ajayi and the multi-instrumentalist OJB Jezreel, in which I raised a number of issues, including how in Nollywood today, there is an obsession with the whitening of skin, an anti-Negritude yellowing, what I referred to as "the bleaching, chameleon crowd of Nollywood beauties." The various reactions to the piece conveniently ignored this subject; two young ladies who felt that I was probing an unpopular theme drew my attention to this. I was reminded that being light-skinned is now the in-thing, indeed the socially acceptable norm, because there is now a universalization of the concept of beauty and self-esteem.

      The more light-skinned you are, the more acceptable you are in various circumstances, that is. I thought if this was true, then it is a tragedy indeed for the black world. For, once upon a time in the history of the black race, being black was a thing of joy and an instrument of protest. When Jesse Evans gave the black salute at the 1939 Olympics, after winning four gold medals, he was making a racially loaded statement about black pride and achievement. Sojourner Truth, Rosa Parks, Frederick Douglass, Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Elijah Muhammad, Muhammad Ali are key historical figures in the struggle for the black identity in the United States not to talk of various moments  and efforts culminating in the Obama phenomenon eight years ago.

All Protocol(s) observed by Reuben Abati

Nigerians love events and ceremonies.  The engine of governance in fact runs on this special fuel, which in many ways has become an occasional excuse for waste and idleness. I have in the course of work attended and compered many of such events; one thing that I find curious is the obsession with acknowledgements. If you are the compere at any typical Nigerian event, the organizers are bound to give you what they call a protocol list, usually a long list of persons whose presence must be acknowledged. You are also expected to recognize persons, especially if they are government officials, according to an established ranking order. 

     This means you can't recognize a Member of a State House of Assembly before a Member of the House of Representatives, and you can't "acknowledge the presence (as it were) of" a Minister before a Senator. Any slight mix up is likely to fetch you a reprimand and complaints about how you are such an insensitive compere who wants to ruin an event that had been so well planned. Getting the pecking social order right is not even enough, you must be politically correct when you deploy such egoistic phrases as Your Excellency, The Distinguished, The Most Honourable, Your Honour, Your Worship, My Lord, Your Grace, Your Eminence…Only God knows what these honorifics do to the Nigerian big man or big woman's mind. When you get it right, you can see the person actually believing the myth about he or she being so excellent, distinguished or honourable.  Some would even rise and wave to the crowd.

Theresa May, Melaye and the Leader's Wife by Reuben Abati

"Have you been to Bourdillon? Or rather I should ask when are you going to Bourdillon?"

"What's happening?"

"I hear people are paying solidarity visits to the Tinubus to express their dismay over Senator Dino Melaye's assault on Senator Remi Tinubu, wife of the APC National Leader." 

"Assault?"

"That is precisely what it is.  Assault. Sexual harassment. Abuse. Threat of rape. Definite expression of intent to commit adultery and impregnate another man's wife."

"I read that story. I still find it difficult to believe that a distinguished Senator would descend to such level.  If that is the quality of reasoning among Nigerian parliamentarians, then the country is in more serious trouble than anyone could ever imagine."

"Dino Melaye has not denied the statements he allegedly made. And the Tinubu camp is on an offensive against him. I read a response saying if he carries out his threat, things will happen."

"Things should not only happen, I think every member of the National Assembly should undergo a psychiatrist test and a drug test."

The Stolen Pot of Soup by Reuben Abati

"I am depressed, my brother."

"You are always depressed. I am actually used to that. I can't remember when last you were not choleric, depressed, obsessed, uptight, down-spirited, what's that your word again, yes, anxious. You better watch it, buddie-bae-bff-bros, stop carrying the world on your back, man. There was Atlas before you. There was Sisyphus. But the world has never stopped moving on."

"I read this story"

"What story?"

"Pathetic story about how right now in Ilorin, Kwara state, it is risky to leave a pot of soup on fire because it is most likely to be stolen. Armed robbers are now targeting pots of soup."

"Armed robbers? Not burglars?"

"I say armed robbers are now so hungry, even a pot of soup cannot be spared. I can give you the web link to the story."

"Give me the gist. The theft of pots of soup is definitely a crime of serious magnitude and should be a matter of urgent national concern. Pots of soup being stolen in Nigeria?."

"Let me read some excerpts from the story to you. "Amidst the stinging hardship occasioned by the present economic recession in the country, the spate of insecurity is rising and taking a tinge of the ridiculous by the day. In Kwara State, cooking a pot of soup is now an invitation to robbers, as cases of eagle-eyed hungry men absconding with cooked food still on the fire is a daily occurrence. The incident is widespread in areas without perimeter fencing and among women who cook or have opted to cook with coal pots. At each of such areas such as Tanke, Basin, Sango, Offa Garage, and Kilanko, the incident occurred according to The Guardian investigations, over five times in just a week…" 

"An epidemic of vanishing soup pots?"  

"Nothing can be more dehumanizing. To think that Nigerians can be so hungry and poor, they will begin to carry guns and machetes to steal pots of soup."

"Not cars. Not jewelry. Stomach first."

"My first reaction was to ask whether they even have a Governor in that Kwara State. Whoever the Governor is, he cannot provide opportunities for people in the state to be able to cook a pot of soup?"

"I hear the Governor like other Governors cannot pay salaries. The Governors are helpless. "

"But the Governors and their wives are eating from multiple pots of soup"

"Yes. Yes. Actually, if you ask me, I would say that the real crime of serious magnitude that we are talking about and that we should worry about is how the Governors and government officials have stolen the people's pot of soup. The armed robbers who go from house to house to collect pots of soup on fire are actually copying the big men."

"You are now asking me to decode something."

"It is not every pot of soup for example, that gets stolen.  The location is important. The opportunity is important. The content is all-important. And if you read that story you were quoting carefully, the soup snatcher monitors the soup. He waits till all the condiments are in, and he or she steals at the right moment.  It is the story of Nigeria. Sign of the times."

"I don't want to go that far.  I won't reduce Nigeria to a pot of soup. But I agree with you that only particular kinds of soup pots get stolen. Good point. Smart point. "

"Particularly if the pot of soup contains goat meat. You know goat meat can smell when combined with Maggi and Tomato. Tomato, these days, is expensive."

"Tomato with goat meat, perfect combination..Hmmm. Mua. Shuhhhh. Ahhhhh uuuu. I must tell you one secret about tomato today."

"What?"

"It clears the prostate. It contains carotene, which is good for the prostate, as an anti-oxidant."

"What has that got to do with soup snatching?"

"When you eat better tomato, and your prostate is very clear, I hear that your downstairs will function very well, and you can crack fire much better, upstairs and downstairs.  Combined with goat meat, ha, something else. And you know goat has a strong smell."

"Are we now a country of goat-meat chasers on fire?"

"I hear that even among the robbers themselves, who takes what part of the goat meat is a  serious issue. That was how one woman eventually found her pot of soup. A big fight broke out. And as the goat thieves quarreled over the pot of soup, the owner arrived and started screaming,, neighbours joined and everybody started screaming and the truth came out. "

"I think this country should just ban tomato and goat meat."

"I have not finished the story. In this particular woman's case, it was discovered that even her husband was part of the plot to steal the pot of goat meat."

"How?"

"The man wanted to play a fast one. He wanted to take the pot of soup to his second wife. Rob Peter,  please Paul."

"What? He should be castrated."

"But can I say something? This thing didn't just start oh. I think poverty is correctly defined as a disease.  Last year, there was actually an incident in Calabar about a man who was butchered and set ablaze because he robbed a woman of a pot of soup."

"Last year?"

 "Yes"

"We should check and be sure"

"Last year, in fact, in August 2015."

"August?"

"Yes, August 2015, after everything changed. The fellow and his group attacked a woman's home and stole her pot of soup.  As they rushed out, the woman raised an alarm, but the man with the pot of soup did not want it to spill, so he couldn't run as fast as the others, and that was how he eventually got caught and he lost his life. He was butchered and set ablaze."

"And there is a Governor in Cross Rivers State?"

"There is but let's spare the Professor. If you had lived in Calabar or Cross River State, you will know that a pot of soup is a serious source of temptation in that place. I mean, in Calabar, they don't just put goat meat, they add everything else on top, from periwinkle to snails, fish, and tomato."

"I feel like my sense of being human is right now under grave assault."

"Come to think of it, the destiny of Nigeria is about the pot of soup and its politics."

"Pot of soup? Well, may be. You know, I heard a story recently, about one of these face-me-I-face-you houses in Lagos where a pot of soup just as we have been saying disappeared from the general kitchen. The woman left the kitchen to attend to her suckling baby. Five minutes max. By the time she returned, her soup pot had vanished. The landlord had to summon a babalawo, a father of secrets, adibia, to identify the culprit and the punishment was meant to be open confession or instant death." 

"Sign of the times"

"Yes oh. But to be fair, there is hunger, poverty and a terrible food crisis across Africa, not just Nigeria. In Malawi, for example, the newly elected President has told his people to stop complaining about hunger. If the people are hungry, they should start eating mice and grasshoppers. 

"May that never happen in Nigeria."

"Well, if the people can't eat goat meat and tomato, they will opt for sub-human options. Even kerosene is now too expensive, ordinary people are now buying gas. And charcoal."

"And God you are on the throne"

"Please, don't blaspheme. This is a holy season."

" I know what I am talking about."

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"In Kano, I should tell you this. One man went to buy a bag of rice. He went along with his son.  He left that five-year old son behind, and promised to come back with the money. But he never showed up. He disappeared with the bag of rice.

"God. God. God Almighty. What happened?"

"When the shop owner waited and waited, he had to ask the boy for the way to his home.  Good enough, the boy is old enough. Eventually the father was traced to his home and he confessed that he was willing to give up the boy to have the bag of rice because he had no money to pay."

"What happened?"

"There are still good people in this country. The rice-seller donated the bag of rice and returned the boy to the father."

"God bless him. God bless him. God bless the rice seller. Great message. In this country, the strong must learn to help the weak. That is when we can have a country and a nation."

"Food For Thought, indeed. In the end, it is all about food, feeding the people, rescuing them from a life of danger and criminality or a resort to a menu of mice and grasshoppers, or carrying expensive AK-47 guns to steal pots of soup."

"People are dying"

"I know. Nigeria and the tragedy of broken pots."

"Stolen pots. Broken pots. Burnt pots. Oh, Nigeria. Chief Ojo Maduekwe. I hear, slumped at the airport on his arrival from the United States from his son's graduation, heading towards his wife's 70^th birthday.  Elechi Amadi, famous for the novels, The Concubines, The Great Ponds and his plays, Pepper Soup and The Women of Calabar has also dropped the pot. In Ojota, Lagos, a young hawker, pursued by LASTMA officials ran into the path of a moving trailer and was crushed, his intestines splattered all over the highway and there was pandemonium resulting in more deaths and destruction. "

"Man, you speak in parables and proverbs. Goat meat that caused trouble, deaths, broken pots and stolen pots."

"Those who have ears let them hear. Only God speaks to the people in parables and proverbs."

"I have faith. Nigeria will survive."

"Of course, I see people are beginning to padlock their pots of soup. I have seen pictures of padlocked pots of soup in this country. Even if you steal it, you'd make some effort to break it open. Smart housewives are saying they will never again leave the kitchen until the soup is done and ready to be served."

"Na wa oh, you mean we are now a country of sealed and broken pots."

Reuben Abati

The Game has changed... by Reuben Abati

“MY brother, I think all the people saying they have not seen any change should by now be convinced that truly, truly, the game has changed.”
“Football? Euro 2016? Brexit?”

“What is wrong with you?”
“Or may be you are talking about the death of Stephen Keshi and Shuaibu Amodu and the fact that Nigeria’s House of Football needs to be re-organised.”
“I really don’t know what the matter is with you today. I always try to engage you in a conversation because I consider you smart, but your responses don’t make sense to me.”

“Game change. Well. I studied a bit of game theory in school not as a student of political science but as a generally curious student.”
“Who is talking about game theory?”
“Game theory is about political marketing, the relation between structure and agents, how power is deployed, structuration, the framework of power, the politics of structural and collective agency.”
“When you are tired of boring yourself, you will keep quiet. I am just saying the game has changed in Nigeria. I guess that is simple enough so stop quoting text books.”

“Ha, I get you now. I recall that the former Chairman of the PDP, during the election was snick-named the game-changer. Everywhere he went everyone said game-changer!”
“If you are dumb, or pretending to be dumb, good for you. I am talking about today’s Nigeria, you are talking about the past. Can’t you see, don’t you hear, don’t you feel it, that indeed, contrary to what we used to think, something indeed has changed…”
“Tell me.”
“Me? You mean I, me, myself?”
“What is that?”
“If you mean I, me, myself, I have nothing to say. And please note that because the times have changed, I have developed all kinds of problems with my senses.”
“Then you should go to London for treatment.”
“God punish you for saying that. Do you want to put my family in trouble? I forbid you to talk carelessly anywhere I am. If you are looking for trouble, go and look for it on your own. My mid-year resolution is that I will not hear any evil, speak any evil and see no evil.”
“Is that your game that has changed?”
“Na you sabi?”

Remembering MKO and June 12 by Reuben Abati

This day, June 12 will always be remembered by those who have defied the culture of silence and conspiracy against a significant moment in Nigerian history, to remind us of how today, 23 years ago, the battle against the exit of the military from power was fought at the ballot by a determined Nigerian people. It is indeed sad that apart from the South West states of Oyo, Ogun, Lagos and Osun which have doggedly continued to celebrate the hero, and later martyr of that battle, Chief Moshood Kashimawo Olawale (MKO) Abiola, there has been studied indifference to the June 12 phenomenon by the Federal Government and remarkably, the rest of Nigeria.

      This is sadder still because MKO Abiola was not an ethnic champion: he was a man of pan-Nigerian vision and ambition, who went into politics to give the people hope, to unite them and lead them out of poverty. His campaign manifesto was instructively titled "Hope 93- Farewell to Poverty: How to make Nigeria a better place for all."

       When Nigerians voted in the presidential election of June 12, 1993, they chose the Muslim-Muslim ticket of MKO Abiola and Baba Gana Kingibe under the platform of the Social Democratic Party (SDP). MKO Abiola not only defeated the Presidential candidate of the National Republican Convention (NRC), Bashir Tofa in his home state of Kano, he also defeated him "fairly and squarely" with "58.4% of the popular vote and a majority in 20 out of 30 states and the FCT." That election was adjudged to be free and fair, and peaceful. But the Ibrahim Babangida-led military government had been playing games with the transition-to-civilian rule, and so it chose not to announce the final results of the election, and later on June 23, 1993, the Presidential election was annulled.

The National Brain in Recession by Reuben Abati

"Have you eaten today? If not, let me show you this new restaurant. Good food, the service girls specially attractive, the Madam herself is quite friendly."

"What are you proposing: the food, the service girls or the Madam? Sorry to disappoint you, I am fasting."

"When did you become a Muslim?"

"Is it only Muslims that fast? Fasting is good for everyone's spirit and system."

"Forget about that. Come and have a good bite. I am the one paying anyway, so what's your problem?"

"This man, are you living in Mars? You mean you don't know that this is Ramadan and that some people have made it risky for non-Muslims to go and eat? I don't want to risk my life. Even when you are not fasting or you are a Christian, the best thing to say during this season is to insist that you are also fasting."

Muhammad Ali, The Greatest (1942-2016) by Reuben Abati

Muhammad Ali, who died late Friday evening aged 74, was one of the greatest icons of the 20th century, one of the world's greatest boxers of all time, and certainly in his time, and during the era that he dominated the ring, the greatest among his contemporaries, the inimitable master of his game. The polyvalent nature of his talent: athlete, poet, civil rights campaigner, radical, gadfly, celebrity, philosopher, motivator and role model has ensured that there can never be anyone else like him. Muhammad Ali was special in his art, in his grace, and in his combination of wit and uncommon talent.

     No other athlete has done as much to raise the level and quality of boxing, converting it into a mainstream spectacle that captured the imagination of the world.  He enriched boxing with his talent, but it may also be said that his personality enriched our collective humanity.  He lived between two astonishing polarities: good health and sickness, for almost the same length of time.

Restructure Nigeria, to save it by Reuben Abati

No one should be surprised by the loud and widespread support that has attended the latest call by former Vice President Atiku Abubakar that Nigeria needs to be restructured. In his words, "our current structure and the practices it has encouraged have been a major impediment to the economic and political development of our country. In short, it has not served Nigeria well, and at the risk of reproach it has not served my part of the country, the North, well. The call for restructuring is even more relevant today in the light of the governance and economic challenges facing us…Nigeria must remain a united country…I also believe that a united country, which I think most Nigerians desire, should never be taken for granted or taken as evidence that Nigerians are content with the current structure of the Federation. Making that mistake might set us on the path of losing the country we love…"

The Future of the Print Media in Nigeria: Not Yet an Obituary by Reuben Abati

A word of congratulations is in order as the departure point for this extended commentary on the future of the print media in Nigeria. It is amazing that it is now 20 years since the first edition of the City People magazine appeared on the newsstands. Within the intervening period, the publication in reporting the city to the people, and capturing the character and the persona, the joys and the foibles, the ceremonies and the traditions, the fashion and the glitz of the people of the city for the overall benefit of society, has established itself as a formidable and successful business enterprise within its genre. It has served as a practicing field for hundreds of journalists, and a compulsory rendezvous for those seeking knowledge and information about the softer side of life as it is lived in our cities.

The founder, Seye Kehinde, and his team and all members of the City People family, including present and old staff, and the faithful patrons whose patronage has sustained the business deserve commendation. I assume however, that if Seye Kehinde were to be asked to reflect on the experience of the past 20 years, his simple, modest answer is most likely to be "It's not been easy", or something along that line to summarize the challenges of managing business in an environment wracked by peculiar uncertainties.

The Niger Delta Avengers by Reuben Abati

Niger Delta Avengers is the name of a new group of militants in the Niger Delta who claim to be different from the former agitators and militants who operated between 2006 and 2009, largely under the umbrella of the Movement for the Emancipation of the Niger Delta (MEND). The title of this group may well serve as the thematic and definitive umbrella for the resurgence of low-level insurgency in the Niger Delta, for in the last month alone, more groups have joined the NDA to wage war against oil installations, the Buhari government, and the Nigerian state. These include the Isoko Liberation Movement and the Red Egbesu Water Lions. The groups are working in concert with the Indigenous People of Biafra (IPOB) led by detained Nnamdi Kanu.

President Buhari, Cameron and Corruption by Reuben Abati

"We have got the leaders of some fantastically corrupt countries coming to Britain… Nigeria and Afghanistan, possibly the two most corrupt countries in the world", UK Prime Minister David Cameron was caught on tape telling the Queen ahead of the anti-corruption summit organized by the UK Government, this week, which was attended by Nigerian President, Muhammadu Buhari. This diplomatic gaffe rubbed many Nigerians on the wrong side, but most of the responses, coloured by overtly emotional love of country and a certain defensiveness is downright hypocritical.

       We all know that indeed Nigeria is "fantastically corrupt", and that is why the most profound reaction, the most honest also, is the statement by President Muhammadu Buhari who admitted that indeed Nigerians are "fantastically corrupt" and that Cameron is right, but the clincher was the rider added by President Buhari, when he said he would not ask for an apology but he would be glad if Great Britain can release all the stolen loot in its custody. I know President Buhari is often criticized for condemning his own people offshore, but no one can fault his sharp honesty, certainly not in the present instance. His reply to the Cameron statement is absolutely brilliant, diplomatic and loaded with a meaningful sarcasm that is yet to be properly defined.

Lucy Kibaki's Death: Africa's Most Violent First Lady by Reuben Abati

Lucy Muthoni Kibaki was buried yesterday, 9.12 am, Nigerian time, in Othaya, Njeri County, Kenya in the presence of about 300 guests and family members, after a requiem mass attended by over 3, 000 dignitaries and 20, 000 mourners. She was the wife of President Mwai Kibaki, the third President of Kenya, in office from 2002 -2013. She is definitely, one of Kenya's most controversial public figures in the last 50 years.

       There has been no other First Lady like her in the history of Kenya and perhaps in the whole of Africa. It was indeed not suprising that her casket on its journey back to Nairobi, from Bupa Cromwell Hospital, South West London, where she died on April 26, was draped in national colours and that she received the equivalent of a state burial. Mama Lucy was that type of First Lady who had she been denied such state recognition and if the dead could rise and return to sleep, would have stormed out of the casket and accuse the government of Kenya of disrespecting her. She was one hell of a woman.  It seems Kenyans are afraid of her, in life, even in death. Ironically, there has been more focus on her positive attributes rather than her frightening negatives, perhaps because it is incorrect to speak ill of the dead.

The Cost of National Depression by Reuben Abati

I hear the World Bank says Nigeria is now the worst place to do business in the entire world.”

“ I don’t believe it.”

“I also hear that of the 15 fastest growing economies in Africa, Nigeria is no longer on the list.”

“ I say I don’t believe that. And stop hearing bad things.”

“We are not even in the top 10 of the World Top 10 oil producers anymore. Yet, we used to be No. 6.”

“ I still don’t believe that.”

“Inflation is now 13.2%, or well may be 12.8%.”

“Story”

“If you go to the market with N400 to buy pepper, that amount can’t get you enough pepper to fry two eggs.”

“Stop eating eggs. Too much cholesterol is bad for your health.”

“Moody’s has also just downgraded Nigeria in its ratings for end of March 2016.”

“Moody’s?”

“Yes. It is a credit and investment ratings corporation.”

“It is called Moody? What do you expect, then, other than a moody report?”

“Our rating by Standard and Poor’s is also negative.”

“I see. Standard and Poor’s giving a poor rating. So?”

“We are talking serious economics, not word play”

“I hear you”

May Day, Tiwa Savage, Her Husband And Nigeria by Reuben Abati

"Ol'boy, man don see something oh."

"Wetin you see?"

"My eyes don see something. My ears don hear, and my mouth sef, I for talk something join."

"Talk make I hear"

"No be dis Tiwa Savage and him husband matter? The husband wey say him wife offend am, he no gi am food, him wife dey form for house but him dey open leg for other men, and na another woman they give am edible catering, and the man come vex he wan jump inside river for Lekki-Ikoyi bridge"

"Who the hell are you talking about?"

"Tiwa Savage and her husband"

"And who are those?"

"Tiwa, now. Marvin First Lady.  She is one of Nigeria's topmost female artistes. And her husband.  They are quarrelling. The husband tried to commit suicide. She says her husband prefers to follow other women, take cocaine and ignore his responsibilities as a man and a husband. Social media is agog with the news. Mainstream media is feeding on it too. The man even tried to jump into the Lagoon."

"And has he done so?"

"No. He was restrained by Banky W and Peter Okoye."

"And who are those? Red Cross Officials?"

"You are in this country and you don't know Banky W and Peter Okoye?"

"There is no way anyone can possibly know all the members of the Red Cross? "

"They are musicians, not Red Cross, not NEMA"

"Oh, I see"

Cattle herdsmen as the new Boko Haram? by Reuben Abati

Fulani Herdsmen

"No matter how far the town, there is another beyond it" – Fulani Proverb

There has been so much emotionalism developing around the subject of the recent clashes between nomadic pastoralists and farmers, and the seeming emergence of the former as the new Boko Haram, forbidding not Western education this time, but the right of other Nigerians to live in peace and dignity, and to have control over their own geographical territory. From Benue, to the Plateau, Nasarawa, to the South West, the Delta, and the Eastern parts of the country, there have been very disturbing reports of nomadic pastoralists killing at will, raping women, and sacking communities, and escaping with their impunity, unchecked, as the security agencies either look the other way or prove incapable of enforcing the law.  The outrage South of the Sahel is understandable. It is argued, rightly or wrongly, that the nomadic pastoralist has been overtaken by a certain sense of unbridled arrogance arising from that notorious na-my-brother-dey-power mentality and the assumption that "the Fulani cattle" must drink water, by all means, from the Atlantic ocean.

The Senate, CCT and the Politics of Saraki’s trial

Senate President: Bukola Saraki

he present Senate serving the Nigerian people runs the risk of being remembered as the worst since 1999. Public Relations Consultants and media officials of this particular Senate have done their part flooding both the print and the online media with details of how productive the Bukola Saraki-led Senate has been, and they have been quite aggressive in telling us about 30 important Bills which when passed, will change the face of Nigeria and deliver change.

The Senate according to one report has considered over 125 bills, debated over 48 motions, and passed three bills. But nobody is apparently impressed. During the Jonathan administration, the Senate was the better regarded of the two legislative chambers. While members of the House of Representatives in the Seventh Assembly behaved as if they were a band of students’ unionists, the then Red Chamber projected an image of maturity and temperance, even if it was also self-serving! With the Eighth Assembly, the House of Representatives, apart from the shameful resort to physical combat over the distribution of “juicy” committees in November 2015, has shown itself to be better organised than the present Senate. The critical difference is that of leadership. It is one of management. It is a matter of weight and politics.