Sunday, November 29, 2015

The Man Who Would Be Governor by Reuben Abati

The Poet Mr. Odia Ofeimun
One of the finest persons I have been privileged to know is Odia Ofeimun: the man has a clean heart, he is completely incapable of malice, and in the face of all odds, he has a sunny view of life, add to that his incandescent mind, his absolute brilliance from which has poured forth a prodigious volume of poetry collections, books, essays, years of journalism practice and a reputation as a public intellectual of the very first rank. Odia as I call him, although he is more popularly known asBaba among the younger generation of writers, is also an incurable idealist, very stubborn to a fault with his idealism and this is where we oftentimes differ.
      He has been insisting to my hearing for more than a decade that one of his ambitions is to become the Governor of Edo State and knowing Odia's frame of mind and constitution, I always laughed this off as a big joke, urging him to face reality and not behave like the Hornbill which incidentally is the name of the publishing house that he runs. When Odia is hooked on an idea, it is difficult to separate him from that idea, more so as he has the mental capacity to develop any subject at all into a grand, compelling narrative. And that is what he seems to have done with his obsession with being the Governor of his home state.

Friday, November 27, 2015

Audu’s inconclusive death; Mugabe’s wheelchair by Reuben Abati

Late Abubakar Audu
“You look sleepy”
“My brother, let’s just say I slept at a fuel station, looking for fuel.”
 “For which of the women in your life, because I hear these days, to please a woman in Nigeria, you must be ready to supply the three major things lacking in the land: money, fuel, and happiness.”
“Leave that matter, please. My condolences on the death of your man, Governor Abubakar Audu”
“We thank God for his life. He played his part.”
“To be so close to breasting the tape and then fall.”
“I know. I know. May be if he had not insisted on running again for the office of Governor in Kogi state, he would still be alive today.”
“The man drove himself too hard, publicly and privately. He ran for every Gubernatorial election in Kogi state since 1991. There must be something special in being Governor for him.”
“Don’t speak ill of the dead, I beg you. Simple etiquette.”
“But you know now?”
“I don’t know nothing”
“Then the man went and married a young, 23-year old. If the election had been concluded and the man had won, the First Lady of Kogi state would have been a 23-year old lady! Those who seek public office should always weigh their lifestyle and their health against their ambition, but politicians act as if they are superhuman.”
“Can you stop?”
“A 74-year old man, with a 23-year old wife. That alone is enough to give anybody hypertension.”
“He was 68”
“Official age. He was 74, somebody told me.”
“Excuse me! Respect the dead, please.  Abubakar Audu was a democrat extraordinary, a courageous politician, a visionary, selfless, man of the people, and his party’s popular choice.”
“My view is that it is not the election in Kogi that is inconclusive per se, a supplementary election will be organized, a winner will emerge; it is Audu’s death that is inconclusive considering the many issues it has thrown up.”
“What kind of talk is that? Death is final. It is the cessation of all things, a necessary end.”
“Nothing has ended with Abubakar Audu’s death oh. Did you not see the desperate efforts made to get some Prophets to resurrect him? And some people actually believed that he could be the Lazarus of our time!  They started jubilating.”
“That is concrete proof of his popularity. But I was shocked seeing Nigerians will believe anything, and being so superstitious. Even the grave diggers stopped digging, waiting for the prophets to perform a miracle.”
“I hear there was a meeting of the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) on the Kogi election but the moment the prophets waded in, even INEC suspended its meeting and did not reconvene until the prophets failed.”
“Only in Africa!”
 “When the Prophets didn’t deliver, people got angry. They could have lynched those Prophets”
“Well, at least, some people will now know that the prophets are not always right in the age of biology and science.  Who could have been behind such a hare-brained scheme?”
“The man’s in-laws, for example.
“Oh, come on”
“Or persons who may have been promised appointments and contracts. Or it could be persons who invested in his candidacy. Elections in Nigeria are business investments. The investors must have thought of a last minute strategy to reverse the situation. Simple economics. ”
“You and your theories. The same people will do business with whoever eventually wins the election, anyway.”
“There is also the inconclusive matter of the 23-year old wife.  When the death was announced, many commentators on social media were more concerned about the young widow. Comments about how she will cope, what she would do next. One guy asked for her phone numbers.”
“Stupid, callous fellow.”
“Another fellow actually said he was ready to inherit all of Audu’s assets and liabilities in that regard.”
“Let him go ahead. Ole!”
“Besides, Audu’s death has turned everybody into a Constitutional expert. What happens if a candidate dies in the course of an inconclusive election? Who becomes the new candidate?”
“Simple. The APC will field another candidate, appeal to whoever is aggrieved within the party to step down until an appropriate candidate who definitely must be Igala, is identified. I don’t see the APC fielding any candidate who will automatically make them lose the election.”
“You think the APC candidate must still be Igala? But nothing is ever that straightforward in Nigerian politics.”
“Of course, otherwise, it will be a walk-over for Governor Idris Wada. The Igalas have the numbers. Politics is a game of numbers. The stakes are high. I foresee many court cases”
“Let them field Audu’s young widow then”
“Are you out of your mind? Why are you so obsessed with this lady?”
“Or may be his son. Does he have any son who is qualified? Let them make it a family affair. If he had supported his son as a candidate…But people just don’t know when to quit and hand over to the next generation.”
“With a 23-year old wife, he was definitely committed to the next generation.”
“Some people are of the view that his running mate should just run with the mandate, but I don’t think the circumstances favour him. He is from a minority group in Kogi state. He is a Christian, and the party may not back him.”
“Poor James Faleke”
“Yeah, he must be troubled. What if he and Audu had won. And they had been sworn in. But now, there are no guarantees.”
“God’s will is supreme. That is one lesson we all must learn from all this. Remember Abacha? When it was time, God intervened. We are all pencils in God’s hands. You can amass all the wealth in the world, marry all the young women, misapply the people’s money, get so close to Cannan, but you can then fall sick and die. In life, things happen and all you have left is six feet, rich or poor, six feet.”
“Six feet”
 “I hope Robert Mugabe knows this. I hope Grace Mugabe knows.”
“Why Robert Mugabe?”
“Didn’t you read that story about 50-year old Grace Mugabe, First Lady of Zimbabwe, buying her Robert, a special wheelchair?”
“The way you pronounced Robert, you make it sound like Robot”
Robert Mugabe and his wife Grace Mugabe
“Isn’t that what the 91-year old President of Zimbabwe has become, a Robot. Grace Mugabe’s Robot”
“Sad. In his days, Robert Mugabe, multiple degrees holder, was a shining star. And now, his wife is pushing him around”
“She actually has a PhD, awarded in two months, without examination or dissertation, by her Robert in his capacity as Chancellor of the University of Zimbabwe!”
“Mugabe! A Pan-Africanist, who stood up to the British and neo-colonial imperialism; today, he is falling down at public functions, he reads the wrong speech in parliament, he is old and tired, and yet he won’t quit.”
“He should. Zimbabwe already has the oldest President in the world, and he has been in power since 1980- 35 years!”

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Modupe Adekunle: The Comrade Head of Service by Reuben Abati

Modupe Adekunle: The Comrade Head of Service by Reuben Abati

Mrs Modupe Adekunle
BREAKING Barriers: A Autobiography (Diamond Communications Network, Abeokuta; 2015) is the title of the autobiography of Mrs. Modupe Abibat Adekunle who retired from the Ogun State civil service on September 30, 2015, upon her completion of the statutory 35 years in service.
This book has been published to put on record, the highlights of her experience as a career public servant, and also to tell the story of her life as she attains the age of 60 on November 11, 2015. It is essentially a civil servant's narrative: completely shorn of politics, polite, appreciative, stays within the limits of obligations, not giving any state secrets away, not violating any rules and regulations, and full of lessons. It is a book that all categories of readers will find useful and instructive, be they parents, young persons seeking a life of meaning, civil servants, public administrators, labour unionists, or the general reader.

Saturday, November 21, 2015

Photos: Fmr. President Jonathan's 58th Birthday

Fmr. President Goodluck Jonathan and Reuben Abati
Fmr. President Goodluck Jonathan
Fmr. President Goodluck Jonathan and Family
Fmr. President Goodluck Jonathan and Family
Fmr. President Goodluck Jonathan and Family
Fmr. President Goodluck Jonathan's 58th Birthday Cake
Fmr. President Goodluck Jonathan and Family
Fmr. President Goodluck Jonathan and Family
Fmr. President Goodluck Jonathan and Family

Friday, November 20, 2015

Suu Kyi and the Burmese “Spring” by Reuben Abati

Suu Kyi and the Burmese "Spring" by Reuben Abati
Aung San Suu Kyi writes in Letters from Burma:  "I have never ceased to be moved by the sense of the world lying quiescent and vulnerable, waiting to be awakened by the light of the new day quivering just beyond the horizon…"  That new day and awakening arrived on November 8 on Burma's (Myanmar) 2015 election day and with the subsequent announcement of the final tally of the election results. But something even more remarkable happened. The military leaders have congratulated Suu Kyi and her party. The elections have been adjudged free and fair.
       
The ordinary Burmese who trooped out in large numbers as early as 6 am to vote, are excited. It is tempting to conclude that Burma has just had its own equivalent of a Spring! The people wanted change. They have voted for it. Aung San Suu Kyi is the symbol of their hope, the irrepressible icon of their struggle. The people of Burma have shown that if they are allowed to speak, they will speak clearly about what they want. The powerless of Burma have found power at the polls. It was a vote not necessarily against incumbent President Thein Sein whose reforms have further opened up Burma and made change possible, but a referendum on years of corrosive military repression.

Friday, November 13, 2015

Super Ministers and Other Stories by Reuben Abati

President Buhari and the new Ministers
By Reuben Abati
HAVE you congratulated our new Ministers?"
"I am still thinking about it, actually. I don't know whether to congratulate them or to commiserate or to pity some of them. They have merged Ministries that need not be merged. Some Perm Secs are now floating. Six months and this is it?"
"What kind of talk is that? You have come again oh".
"I wonder too. At least you can see that round pegs have been put in round holes, and shame on all you doubting Thomases, our government is good to go."
""Who is talking politics? Can we discuss Nigeria and leave politics out of it? And please, leave that thing about pegs. Some pegs are neither round nor square, they are misshaped."
"Everything is political."

Friday, November 6, 2015

Wole Soyinka: A Sojourner among Liars by Reuben Abati

By Reuben Abati
PROFESSOR Wole Soyinka was quoted saying his latest book is the "nastiest" that he has written so far.
Professor Wole Soyinka
InterInventions: Between Defective Memory and the Public Lie- A Personal Odyssey in The Republic of Liars (Ibadan: Bookcraft, 2015, 136pp) is quite close to being just that. But who knows if an even nastier book may follow as Soyinka embarks on the task of exposing lies in our Republic as he has promised that InterInventions, a follow up to Interventions series (I-IV) will be dedicated solely to the dismantling of lies in the public space: malicious and non-malicious lies, lies told, lies magnified, lies fraudulent, murderous lies, accidental lies, uttered from depraved minds whose sole intention is to create burdens for their victims; malign, impugn and lower the other so they can be raised or their stomachs can be nourished at other's expense.